Sunday, October 27, 2002

I wish the romantic situation at Soka (for everyone) was like No Doubt`s "New" or even "Underneath It All" but in reality, it`s more like No Doubt`s "Hey Baby".

Last night I caused quite a sensation in the dorm by making (gasp!) sushi for dinner. Who knew that the dumb, cute little gaijin can actually make sushi! It`s not like I`ve never had any experience making sushi. And I had been hoping that no one would notice because one thing I don`t like is people making a big deal over me...but that`s exactly what ended up happening. :-P

Could it be true?: "Brenda is the sun, Tomi is the ocean, and I am the mountain" -Tsveti, at Mos Burger, where we had drinking glasses with pictures of the sun, ocean, and moon respectively. Could this truly represent how we really are? By the way...at Mos Burger, they played Beatles songs the entire time!! It was awesome!

"The candy is screaming your name. It`s saying `bite me!, bite me!`..." -Sodaisai no BJ offering me more candy from a boxful of candy. I don`t know if he meant `bite me` in the sense that is used in English slang, but still it was funny. :-)

October 26, 2002

"Imagine for a moment this situation: Two gaijin are standing on a streetcorner with their bikes. They seem to be deep in what seems to be serious conversation. Then, further down the sidewalk, a third gaijin is pacing anxiously back and forth...and obviously has something on her mind. You might find this situation not worth your notice. But this was an important event for the gaijin-one of them being me...

I was the one pacing back and forth, trying to stay out of the way of the other two people deep in conversation. I always seemed to find myself in this situation--always the third wheel..."

This is what I wrote on the sidewalk on our way back from Hachioji station...before things were finally talked out we established where the three of us stood with each other. We had spent an enjoyable, relaxing evening at what we call the "eki"--all of downtown Hachioji that centers around the train station. We had dinner at Mos Burger, saw Don off as she left for Tokyo by train, and had really good conversation at Starbucks. We were on our way back to our dorms when the conversation had started to get personal so I felt that I shouldn`t have been there so I walked further down the sidewalk. Yet, at the same time, I felt so excluded--I felt like such a third wheel. I was about to storm off when they stopped me and explained everything they had talked about. They turned to me and told me that now would be the time to say anything I had on my mind...and I knew that it was time to say the things that I had longed to say for quite some time. I talked (granted, awkwardly) about how my feelings had been inadvertedly hurt and how I couldn`t tell anyone about this. I said that while now I am interested in someone else, that I`m still not 100% over it and that it wasn`t easy dealing with those feelings sometimes. I said that I sometimes feel jealous of the bond they share...but he assured me that I had no reason to feel inferior to her and that he sees us both as equally good friends. You don`t know how relieved I feel now...I feel as if I can move on and concentrate on other things in my life...

Also, I finally received the package that my mom sent me. I was so happy!! She sent me my winter coat, my earrings, and best of all, my brown shoes! I also finally got around to buying a new pillow. This will hopefully help me rest better at night.

I am so glad things ended well tonight with them. I realize that I need to overcome my feelings of jealousy--which is my insecurity in disguise. And I can still remember her saying, as we headed off towards the eki in the afternoon, that she had a feeling something big was going to happen tonight.

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